"higher powers taking a hold on me"

Yesterday when I was making dinner, J starting telling me this thing Oprah said...OPRAH! I wanted to laugh but I listened because he has been trying to find ways to help motivate me and I love him for that. Oprah said that there's no such thing as failure. She said that when something doesn't work out, it just means you're not on the right track. You need to take another path. Too simple and obvious? Maybe but I immediately thought about the things that I've been beating myself up about. I sprained my ankle badly at the end of last summer and then hurt my shoulder in November which is still not better and between then and now, I've gained about 40 lbs. I've been so angry at myself over it. Before my injuries, I was feeling incredibly fit and active. I was biking everywhere, boxing and kickboxing, playing Frisbee every weekend and generally just out of the house all the time. I thought I had it all figured out and that it was working for me.

When J shared Oprah's words of wisdom (hard to type with a straight face), I realized that the path I was on to being healthy and fit wasn't actually the right path for me. There were a lot destructive patterns in my behaviour last summer and a lot of reasons I weighed less that weren't sustainable or healthy for me.

I was a failure up until yesterday.  Now, I'm just on a new path.


It's been a few days since I started to bring some mindfulness into my day to day. I've been feeling really great. I've been eating well and today I put at least 35km on my bike...and I wasn't running away from anything. I don't think I wasted a single second today.